If i wanted to convince myself God isnt real whats the best way to go about it?

.. how can i shut that little voice off that just keeps saying i love you and i wont give up on you? and then i feel guilty about the whole covenant thing like i made it with God through Jesus and kinda made a mutual promise to God ... i would feel like im breaking my word to .. this is a cold chilling area im dabbling with here that gives me goosbumps .. how could i even approach it in a serious way? im looking for some crystal clear atheist insight here ..